By Dr. Katie Hurley, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist
In today's fast-paced world, as kids head back to school, we hear a lot about phone bans in schools—and for good reason. But while the focus is often on kids' phone use, there's another group that needs attention: parents.
As a therapist working with teens, I often hear the same frustration from them: parents criticize their kids' phone habits while ignoring their own. Hypocrisy aside, teens get frustrated when they can’t get their parents' full attention. It leads them to cope by diving into social media, perpetuating a cycle of tech overuse.
This issue is not just about teens being glued to their phones—parents, too, are often distracted. A recent study published in JAMA Network Open labeled this as "parental technoference," and it's contributing to higher levels of anxiety, inattention, and hyperactivity in kids.
The Phone Problem is a Family Problem
Parents complain that their kids don’t listen because of phone distractions, but they’re often guilty of the same behavior. The result? Families stuck in a loop of poor communication and hurt feelings. Technology becomes the invisible barrier that steals time, attention, and emotional connection from both sides.
To fix this, we have to zoom out and view the problem from both perspectives. It's not just the kids who need to unplug—parents do too.
3 Tips to Curb Family Phone Overuse
- Set Family Tech Guidelines
Instead of simply imposing rules on kids, involve them in setting the tech boundaries. This allows them to understand why certain rules exist and gives them a say in how technology should be used. For example, decide as a family when phones should be put away—dinner time, family outings, etc.—and stick to it.
- Practice Active Listening
Phones distract us from meaningful interactions. Make a conscious effort to practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, asking follow-up questions, and listening without interrupting. These small actions can transform communication in your family.
- Prioritize Family Fun
Bring back activities that don’t involve screens. Whether it's family game nights, sunset walks, or ice cream parties, create tech-free zones that allow for genuine connection and shared experiences.
It’s Not About Perfection, It’s About Progress
Creating a tech-balanced home isn’t about perfection. Start with small steps, like implementing a no-phone rule during dinner or setting up a phone charging station outside bedrooms. These small changes can make a big difference in restoring family communication and trust.
The goal isn’t to eliminate phone use entirely but to model healthy habits that promote stronger, more meaningful relationships. After all, when parents lead by example, kids are more likely to follow.
By embracing these tips, you can transform your home into a space where technology doesn’t rule the conversation, but where real connections are made every day.
